I finally have "Sasha's Soldier" ready for purchase. It's up at Amazon, Smashwords and AllRomanceEbooks. I have to say that this is one that I'm proud of. It tells the story of an African American nurse, Sasha, and one of her patients, Kevin, a wounded marine who's lost the use of his hands. I feel like this story is really sweet, but also very sexy.
But enough of me talking about it. Here's an excerpt--see what you think for yourself!
All of Sasha's patients were getting better, all but her favorite one. She would much rather that it were Mr. Jacobs, who swore at the orderlies and referred to Sasha as “that negro nurse,” who were failing to thrive. But no, it was Kevin, her wounded Marine with the big blue eyes, the broad shoulders, and the simple, childish smile that spoke of apple pie, mom, and America.
Sasha clucked her tongue disapprovingly as she looked at Kevin’s charts. Everything looked fine. He ought to be getting better, but he wasn’t. He was only nineteen. By the looks of things, he’d signed up the moment he could, then went straight to Afghanistan. On a routine patrol, his unit was hit by a car bomb. Kevin was furthest from the blast, and he was the only one who survived it, but pieces of shrapnel tore through both of his arms. That day he lost friends, three pints of blood, and the use of his arms. Afterward he was sent back to the states for surgery and recovery.
The surgery had gone well, and the doctors were all optimistic that Kevin would regain the use of his hands. But while he soon learned to twitch his fingers and later to flop his hand over, after that he stopped making progress. He still did his exercises, but his heart wasn’t in it, and despite the doctors’ promises, it felt like he’d given up. These days when Sasha entered Kevin’s room, she found him looking out the window, his lips pressed together, a faraway look in his eyes. He still had a warrior’s reflexes, and he always heard her coming, no matter how quietly she slipped through the door. As soon as he heard her, his eyes always brightened and he turned toward her, the look of introspection and pain disappearing almost instantly. Almost.
Sasha flipped her chart back closed. It was time to go check on him. He was her last of the day. She tucked the chart under her arm and began walking down the hallway toward his room. As she walked, she tucked an errant lock of hair back behind her ear and glanced in a mirror she passed. Her makeup was fine. She knew it was silly, but she liked to look good for Kevin. She’d been assigned to him the day he got out of surgery. As the anesthesia wore off, he opened his eyes and mumbled “Hello, beautiful.” Even despite the painkillers, he was a perfect gentleman, and he didn’t try to get handsy with her, like a lot of male patients waking up. She put her hand on his shoulder and asked how he was doing, and he told her that he felt okay but had a girlfriend and probably shouldn’t have told Sasha that she was beautiful, even though she was. He rambled on for a while about his girl back home and then fell asleep.
Sasha wasn’t sure whether he remembered anything of that conversation or not, but somehow every time she saw him, she heard him slurring, “Hello, beautiful.” She smoothed down the rumples in her scrubs and wished for a moment that she had something better to wear. Oh well, at least she filled them out well. Scrubs weren’t always kind to the flat-chested, but Sasha was curvy, and she liked the way that her breasts and hips pushed out against the fabric.
Sasha came to the door and looked in. Kevin was sitting in his hospital bed, looking out at a sky that was gray with clouds. This time he didn’t turn when she walked in. His jaw was tight, but his head was slumped back against the bed.
“Hey Kevin,” Sasha said at last.
Kevin jerked and turned toward her. He smiled weakly. “Oh, Sasha,” he said. “I didn’t see you.”
“How’s it going?” Sasha asked with a smile.
“Oh,” he said. “I’m hanging in there. How are things with you? How’s Ben? He heard anything back on those college applications yet?”
Wow. Sasha hadn’t expected him to remember her brother’s name, much less any details of his life. She’d only mentioned him once. “He’s started to. He heard back from his safety school, and he got in there. For anyone else, that’d be great news, but Ben’s so smart he didn’t even seem to care. He’s got his sights set on M.I.T.”
Kevin laughed, and it almost sounded real. “Well, then he’s smarter than me for sure. I’m not even sure I could have gotten into Calhoun Community College, and they’re open enrollment. What’s he wanting to go into again? Programming?”
“Computer engineering,” Sasha replied as she began checking his vitals.
“I don’t even know what that is,” Kevin replied. “Sounds smart, though.”
“I don’t really know either,” Sasha admitted as she bent forward to check his pulse. His skin was warm and smooth under her fingers. She looked up at Kevin and noticed him glancing at her cleavage. It was just a moment, a flicker of the eyes, but she still found herself somehow gratified by it. And then a feeling of guilt. She shifted back up so that her scrubs weren’t falling open anymore.
“How about you?” Sasha asked. “How’s your girl doing?”
The smile faded from Kevin’s lips, and his face went still. “She—” he started. “She’s with someone else.”
“Oh no, baby,” Sasha said, and she sat down in the seat next to Kevin’s bed. “Oh no.”
Kevin faked a smile for an instant, then bit his lip. “Yeah.”
“When’d this happen?” Sasha asked.
“I found out today,” Kevin said. He sighed and looked away. “But it’s been going on a long time. Ever since I shipped out.”
Sasha found his hand, held it. It was warm and limp under her hand. But even if he couldn’t move it, she knew that he could still feel.
“She said that she just was lonely, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing me,” Kevin said, his eyes far away. “She couldn’t depend on a man who might never come back. Funny thing is, when I talked about joining up, she was all for it. She talked about how I’d be a hero and how good I’d look in uniform.”
Sasha glanced at the picture by his bedside. It showed him tall and strong, dressed in his uniform, every inch a Marine. A girl stood beside him, slight and blonde, showing her teeth in a wide smile. Stupid girl. But she had to admit, Kevin did look good in uniform.
“And she just told you now?” Sasha asked softly.
“She said she had to come clean. She was breaking things off. She still loved me, but she couldn’t be with a man who was a cripple. She couldn’t take care of me.” He fell silent. “She never even came to visit.”
Sasha squeezed Kevin’s hand. She ached for him. His face stayed still, stoic, as a single tear ran down his cheek. Sasha reached a hand up and wiped it away. For a moment it looked like he’d flinch away from her, but then he relaxed and let her touch him.
“You know the worst part?” Kevin said.
“What?” Sasha asked.
“You’ll think I’m awful,” Kevin said. “I think I’m awful.”
“You’re fine, baby,” Sasha said.
“The worst part is that I keep thinking, ‘I should have screwed her when I had the chance.’ She wanted me to. She was willing. The night before I shipped out, she would have let me. But I was trying to be a good boy, so I took her home instead. I waited because I wanted to do right by her, to marry her when I came back. I fought with her picture tucked into my helmet every day, and when I got hit and thought I was dying, I was thinking of her. But the whole time she was screwing someone else.”
A second tear fell down Kevin’s face, then a third, but his voice held steady. “Now I’m just a cripple.”
“You’ll get your hands back, Kevin,” Sasha said. “You just need to give yourself time.”
Kevin continued talking as if he hadn’t heard. “A cripple and a virgin. And I just think that I hate her for cheating on me and I hate myself for not just sleeping with her when I had the chance, and then I hate myself for that, too, because I know that all I really want’s revenge. But at least if I’d done it I’d be a man, really a man.” He flopped his hands. “What woman’s going to want me now? And what could I even do to please her? I never slept with a woman, but I’ve fingered one or two, and I was pretty good at it. Can’t do that now.”
Sasha wasn’t sure what to say, so she just touched Kevin’s cheek. She was supposed to go now, but she couldn’t leave him like this.
Kevin continued on. “I’m sorry I’m telling you all this stuff. It’s not your job. It’s just that no one ever calls me from home, and I don’t have anyone to talk to. You’re the only one here who actually seems to listen to me.”
“Kevin,” Sasha said firmly, and he looked up at her with frightened eyes. “You’re not awful. It’s all right. You can talk to me. You can say anything you want.”
Kevin breathed in and out raggedly. “Thank you,” he said, and there was a smile on his face, although there was still some fear in his blue eyes. “Thank you, Sasha.”
“Tell me everything,” said Sasha. “It helps to talk.”
“Well,” said Kevin, hesitating. “I hope this doesn’t weird you out, but I can’t even masturbate anymore. I used to do that when I was out and it got too hard or depressing. I’d hold that picture or think of her, and touch myself. But now I can’t even do that. Of course, I wouldn’t be thinking of her now. But God I get so horny. I’m all jittery and my balls ache. I’ve tried rubbing up against the sheets, and I can’t do it. I’ve hoped for a sex dream, but they never seem to come.”
Kevin stopped and looked at her, then let out a deep breath.
Sasha’s heart started to pound. Was he asking her . . . ? But then he smiled, and said, “Thanks. You’re right. It really does help to talk about it.” He laughed, and some of the tension seemed to melt away from him. “Most people, you can’t complain to them about not being able to beat it.” Sasha didn’t laugh, just looked at him, taking in his face, so beautiful even where a thin line of scar traversed his right cheek. He seemed so much a man, and yet so young at the same time. She smiled at him and spoke softly: “Would you like me to help you with that?”
